Da Twelve O’Clock Athenaeum
Ok hi! So this post gonna be slightly different, I’m gonna try and do like a book review/reflection. I really want to learn to be more in tune with my emotions and properly process my thoughts about things so hopefully this will be the first of many!
OK. This post is about “The Midnight Library” by Matt Haig so if you’re planning to read this book and don’t want to get spoiled, this is your only warning!
Ok, I’m gonna give a super rough summary.
The story follows Nora, a woman who after going through a series of events, comes to the conclusion that she wants to commit suicide. Nora believes that her life is a life filled with failures: she quit her Olympic potential swimming, she disbanded her band right before a potential record label signing, she left her fiancé at the altar, she didn’t end up moving to Australia with a friend, and she couldn’t keep her pet cat alive. She ends up overdosing, but before she could die, her mind gets suspended in a state of some sort? In this plane, Nora appears at a library where each book is a parallel life of hers based on the regrets of her root life. Throughout the story Nora lives out these lives, however, never discovering one that would fully satisfy her. Despite finding one that was extremely close, Nora realized that the worth of her life comes from the potential of her life, not the substance. Because of the actions of her root life, her old neighbor was not left alone in a nursing home and forgotten, while her piano student did not turn to a life of crime. Nora then seeks the desire to live and the books ends happily ever after.
EXTREMELY ROUGH SUMMARY, I definitely did not do the book or the author justice but read it if you get the chance, really well written!
Ok so here comes my thoughts. Initially I found the book (situation) pretty relatable. I think personally I have a lot of regrets about certain actions in my life. What if I started exercising earlier? What if I didn’t quit piano? What if I took sports like soccer seriously? What if I studied more, would I have gone to a different college? What if I never told that girl I liked her? What if I wasn’t afraid? Although my regrets are not as important or life altering compared to the ones in the book, I’ve always had a sense of dissatisfaction with my life, feeling that I could’ve been more or done more than what I am now. When I think about my possessions, my relationships, and my life on paper, I am content. But brain understandings and heart feelings are often different. DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT SUICIDAL, but I found the MC relatable in the sense that she has regrets.
But as I finished the book and understood the Nora’s revelation, I also sort of found my own. I realized that I am here because of God’s grace and that no matter where my life could’ve went, I am here right now in my situation because that is what brings God the most glory. That actually, my current life is the best outcome for God’s kingdom. What if I took soccer seriously, went pro, but realized I was never a Christian? What a scary thought. Not only the fact that my current life brings God the most glory, it is also filled with provision and blessing that I could’ve never dreamed of. Sure, maybe I could’ve studied harder and went to UCLA. But the relationships I’ve made in San Diego, I wouldn’t trade for anything else. The upperclassmen that provide me with support, checking up on me, leading life groups, and asking some of the hardest hitting questions ever. My sophomores who make life such a joy, constantly laughing, and reflecting. The freshmen who make the serving sacrifice 1000x more worth, seeing their desire to grow in community and their personal relationships with God. My amazing roommates that constantly provide me with inside jokes and room to vent, share, and grow in my faith. My wonderful church that provides me endless opportunities to praise, worship, learn, serve, and grow. My amazing fellowships that give me a sense of community, home, and familiarity in a school where everything is so unfamiliar. God’s glory is number one and I pray that I continue to trust his sovereignty over all things, especially my own life, that he would continue to guide me on a path that continuously defeats the foolish fantasies of my regrets.
Ok but back to the book. Although I relate to the main character’s situation, I don’t think I find Nora relatable as a person. Before the ending of the book, Nora is incredibly lost and throughout the book, it’s hard to really discover her ‘goal’ or what she truly wants. Given, that’s the narrative of the book but it was sometimes hard to follow her and sometimes frustrating to see her constantly lose hope. But that’s probably natural for non-Christians, for those who don’t have anything to place their hope and joy on. I honestly think if I wasn’t a Christian and I didn’t have the Lord as the center of all my goals and desires, I would be like Nora too, depressed and maybe even suicidal. Even now, it can be hard sometimes to see the point and direction of my life. At times, I just want to give up and do nothing and wallow in my sadness all day. But praise God, he always brings me back and reminds me of the joy I receive when desiring Him.
Despite not being a Christian book of any kind, I think reading this book really reminded me of my existence, who I am and what I truly value out of this life. It also made me more grateful and appreciative of God and his plan for my life and assured me that despite feeling lost, God is never lost.
